As leaders, we pride ourselves on looking after others, but who’s checking in on you? Here, headteacher turned counsellor, Helen Loughran, shares tips and advice on how to look after your mental health and wellbeing.

Taking care of you

How come you are always happy, Miss?” a Year 10 student asked during my last week as headteacher. The question revealed how my exterior had been interpreted. The truth was, while I loved my job, there were times when my happiness was just a façade. Beneath the surface, I was often worried, hurt, or overwhelmed.

As leaders, we’re under constant scrutiny. Students, staff, and parents watch us closely, interpreting our demeanour as the barometer of the school’s climate. If we’re calm, everything is okay. If we’re smiling, all is well. This immense responsibility is both a privilege and a burden, one that requires us to constantly navigate through turbulent waters of decision-making and crisis management.

But what toll does this take on us? How do we maintain the resilience to keep going while our own wellbeing silently suffers?

The invisible burden of leadership

For many leaders, the fear of ‘what if’ looms large. What if a critical safeguarding check was missed, and we fail Ofsted? What if a child is harmed due to a missed safety protocol? What if the dismissal of a staff member leads to a costly legal case? These hypothetical scenarios can plague even the most seasoned leaders, causing stress that extends far beyond the school gates.

In my work with schools, I often encounter leaders who assure me they are ‘fine’, even when they've endured experiences that would shake anyone – physical or verbal assaults, bereavements, personal losses, and health scares. Yet, these leaders continue on, still smiling and reassuring everyone around them.

But who reassures us? Who checks in on our wellbeing? While schools have made strides in considering staff workload and wellbeing, the question remains: Who is ensuring that leaders themselves are getting the care they need?

Why leaders need to prioritise their wellbeing

It may be a cliché, but you really do need to put your own life jacket on first before helping others. In education, leaders must ensure they are mentally fit enough to handle the enormous pressures of their roles. Without this foundation of mental health, we risk not only our own wellbeing but also our ability to effectively lead and support those who depend on us.

Leaders would greatly benefit from high-quality counselling. This goes beyond mentoring or coaching, which often focuses on developing professional skills. What leaders truly need is counselling that allows them to reflect deeply on their personal and emotional wellbeing. It’s about exploring whether you feel happy and fulfilled, and how to feel better if you’re not.

Counselling should be a long-term commitment – about 50 minutes a week with the same counsellor, dedicated to whatever the leader needs to discuss, confidentially and without judgement. While work-related stress is often a key focus, counselling can also support leaders in coping with challenges beyond their professional life.

A new generation, a new expectation

As Generation Z moves into leadership roles, their expectations around mental health support are different. For many, being in therapy is not just acceptable, it’s a badge of honour. It signifies a commitment to their wellbeing and readiness to face new challenges. If we want to retain these young leaders, schools and colleges must meet this need.
Surprisingly, many schools and colleges do not yet provide this essential service as part of their duty of care. This gap led me, as a headteacher for 20 years and now a counsellor, to establish a practice including offering counselling for school and college leaders.

If your institution doesn’t offer counselling, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) directory is a good starting point (www.bacp.co.uk). This resource provides details of qualified counsellors offering both short-term and long-term counselling, whether online, by phone, or in person. It’s important to find a counsellor whose style and approach resonate with you. Trust your instincts after an initial chat to determine if they’re the right fit.

Invest in your wellbeing

As the autumn term begins and appraisal cycles commence, take time to reflect not just on your professional goals but also on your personal wellbeing. Consider dedicating just 50 minutes a week to counselling – a small investment that can make a significant difference in your ability to stay afloat amid the pressures of leadership.

If you’re struggling to justify it, remember that prioritising your mental health will help you keep calm as you guide others through the storm.
Counselling isn’t just for those facing difficult times. However, it’s certainly worth considering if you find yourself:

• dreading work in the morning
• frequently snapping at others
• experiencing disrupted sleep due to worries
• often feeling tearful
• questioning your decisions and actions
• feeling isolated with your concerns
• watching your relationships deteriorate
• regularly feeling overwhelmed

Additional tips for looking after your mental health

While counselling can be vital, there are other steps you can take to protect your mental health as a leader:

1. MAKE TIME FOR PERSONAL CONNECTIONS: Prioritise time with friends, family, and loved ones. Engaging in meaningful relationships outside of work can provide essential emotional support.

2. SET BOUNDARIES WITH WORK: Limit how often you check work emails or bring work home. Clear boundaries between your professional and personal life are crucial.

3. LOOK AFTER YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH: Mental and physical health are deeply interconnected. Ensure you get at least seven hours of sleep, eat well, and exercise regularly.

4. PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH: You likely encourage staff to take care of themselves. Apply the same advice to your own life. Remember, you can’t care for others if you’re not in a fit state yourself.

5. FIND A TRUSTED CONFIDANT: If you don’t have a counsellor, ensure you have someone you can confide in, whether a friend, family member, or colleague.

As leaders, we often focus on supporting others, but it's vital to remember that we too need support. By investing in our wellbeing, we can ensure we’re not just surviving but thriving in our roles, ready to face challenges with resilience and strength.

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FIND OUT MORE

Helen Loughran was headteacher of a secondary school in Hertfordshire until August as well as a practising counsellor. She is now focusing solely on her career as a counsellor, including working with school and college leaders.

Visit: HelenLoughranCounselling.org

Email: hcloughran@outlook.com

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