It’s time to make job adverts for headship more realistic, down-to-earth and honest – to ensure that the candidates are, too, says Carl Smith.

Superheroes*

Are you a truly exceptional human being? No, not just ‘ordinary exceptional’ – the kind you may find on any street corner – but truly exceptional, the kind of exceptional where you exude exceptionality even when doing the ironing or taking out the bins.

No? Me neither.

In that case, don’t bother responding to any of the headteacher adverts recently sitting in the TES. Such exalted positions are reserved for these types of people and I know that because it says so in the adverts.

OK, I made the bit up about ironing and taking out bins but then I’m just a plain, ordinary and remarkably unexceptional human being, so what can you expect?

One advert asks that you ‘further improve’ an already ‘fully-inclusive school’. I did wonder how you could do that by conjuring up phrases like ‘beyond fully-inclusive’, ‘inclusivity, the next generation’ or even ‘to boldly go where inclusivity has never gone before’.

Please ignore the split infinitive because ‘truly exceptional’ has probably already broken a rule (but then, if you were truly exceptional, you’d already know that).

Dynamism on steroids

It goes without saying that such a person should also be ‘relentlessly dynamic’, although the adverts say it anyway. Personally, I think there may be such a thing as being too dynamic and, surely, it’s OK to just be dynamic now and again.

Dynamism on steroids can get a bit boring for the rest of us and if you were dynamic on the first day back after Christmas or the last day of term then, frankly, I’d give you a wide berth. Witty, perhaps, even philosophical, but dynamic? Not today, I’ve got a headache.

I would like a bit more honesty to go into these adverts; then, perhaps, somebody other than the monumentally deluded may actually apply. Of course, I must have been monumentally deluded myself at some point because I’m a headteacher and, therefore, must have replied to such an advert.

However, I am distinctly ordinary I’m afraid. I’ve had my moments, I’m sure – hopefully, the tablets will sort that out – but truly exceptional? Gandhi may have been truly exceptional, Isaac Newton, Einstein and Marie Curie probably were as well... at least some of the time.

When they were handing out exceptionality I was not at the front of the queue, or even in the middle, and neither were most of you, for that matter.

So, I’d like to suggest another advert, one that may encourage more people to apply because, as I write, I’m afraid there just aren’t enough truly exceptional people to go around.

How about this one?

Headteacher required Must have at least some experience, preferably enough to cut it with the staff. You should be decent, reasonably honest and know your stuff but definitely not arrogant, smug, up-yourself or an empire builder. It would help if you were quite a good teacher and not just an admin person, but you don’t need to be good at everything as long as you respect your colleagues and manage to be pleasant most of the time. Truly exceptional, relentlessly dynamic people should not apply because, as yet, we haven’t quite managed to achieve world peace and that takes priority over our school, important as it is.

Want the last word?

Last Word always welcomes contributions from members. If you’d like to share your humorous observations of school life, email Permjit Mann at leader@ascl.org.uk ASCL offers a modest honorarium.

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Carl Smith
Principal at Casterton College, Great Casterton, Rutland.

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* Need not apply

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