October 2011

The know zone

  • From barred to worse
    Why don’t legislators pay more attention to the facts when they attempt to adjust the law on exclusions, wonders Richard Bird. More
  • Lead vocals
    Quotes from Pericles the Olympian, John W Gardner, Sam Ewing, Joan Wallach Scott and Florence Nightingale More
  • Life lessons
    Keith Sudbury spent 31 years in education, the last ten as head of two schools in Nottinghamshire that he successfully led out of special measures. His retirement plans were overtaken by a tragic family illness, however, and he’s back in schools again to inform teenagers about blood, stem cell and organ donation with the support of the Anthony Nolan charity. More
  • A safety .net
    Trainee teachers and NQTs are the focus of the latest set of resources from award-winning charity Childnet. More
  • Adding value
    On the piste? Check the smallprint... More
  • Concerns over 'free' status
    Is the government right to pursue its policy of free schools? Many in education have expressed scepticism but are there contexts in which free schools are beneficial? Leaders share their views. More
  • Nomograms: they're not what you think...
    Think spreadsheets are tricky? Bamboozled by equations? Sam Ellis has an old-fa shioned technique for calculating pupil-teacher ratios which just might help. More
  • Focussing on new benefits
    Social mobility needs to focus on more than getting disadvantaged students into university. Changes to curriculum and qualifications need to help tackle the problem and should draw on the experience of school and college leaders first and foremost, says Brian Lightman. More
  • Deal or no deal?
    The nerd? The idler? The incessant sniffer? Find out who’s coming with this game of student teacher top trumps. More
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The nerd? The idler? The incessant sniffer? Find out who’s coming with this game of student teacher top trumps.

Deal or no deal?

The Scientist/Mathematician

Happiest with Fermat’s Last Theorem or Boyle’s Law, the randomness and unpredictability of all but the most well-behaved group floors this expert. “But I love this subject, why don’t they?”

Age 30
Drive 70%
Ability 4/10
Vanity/arrogance 1/10
Appearance Geek chic? 3/10
Cooperativeness 7/10
Level of problem 90%

Little Miss Perfect

This trainee is better than you have ever been at teaching. She is organised, smart, efficient, witty and popular. You’d quite like to employ her but are worried that she will be promoted above you in her NQT year. Trouble is, the head’s already spotted her.

Age Around 25
Drive 100%
Ability 10/10
Vanity/arrogance 1/10
Appearance Dress code to the letter, 10/10
Cooperativeness 10/10
Level of problem 0%

The Career Changer

A successful career in the city/army/whatever has led this trainee to have a very high opinion of himself. But is it justified in the classroom?

Age Around 40
Drive 110 %
Ability Imagined – 11/10.
Real – 7/10
Vanity/arrogance 9/10
Appearance Jermyn Street, 10/10
Cooperativeness 3/10
Level of problem 55 %

The Ill One

The doctors have said that this intern has non-specificitus. It allows her to have a lot of time off and this absence seems to coincide with social events, a new boyfriend or an essay crisis. Not only that, she never lets her mentor know and never sets appropriate cover.

Age Around 25
Drive 30%
Ability 6/10
Vanity/arrogance 2/10
Appearance Hand on head; tissues, 4/10
Cooperativeness 3/10
Level of problem 40%

The Mum

“I’ve got my own children, one of whom has special needs so I know what I am doing.” This approach limits the ability of this trainee to act as a reflective practitioner. She may also be guilty of a slightly maternal leaning in lessons.

Age Around 40
Drive 80%
Ability 8/10
Vanity/arrogance 5/10
Appearance Asda, 6/10
Cooperativeness 3/10
Level of problem 40%

Tutor

The person who has to monitor, assess, smooth bruised egos and provide tea and tissues. An expert in psychology, negotiation, unarmed combat, multitasking, comedy and, of course, education; yes that’s you.

Age Around 34
Drive 90%
Ability 10/10
Vanity/arrogance 2/10
Appearance Haggard, 6/10
Cooperativeness 10/10
Level of problem Good luck

The Arrogant One

A walking argument; inevitably takes the opposite position to the kind member of staff giving up free time to run a session. Upsets their mentor on day one, upsets their new mentor on day three. Is responsible for five parental complaints by week three.

Age Around 37
Drive 67%
Ability 6/10
Vanity/arrogance 10/10
Appearance Sneering or angry, 4/10
Cooperativeness 2/10
Level of problem 67%

  • Our ‘Deal or no deal’ author is a professional tutor in Oxfordshire.

Want the last word?

Last Word always welcomes contributions from members. If you’d like to share your humorous observations of school life, email Sara Gadzik at leader@ascl.org.uk ASCL offers a modest honorarium.

Deal or no deal

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