It requires team-working, careful monitoring, effective skills development and strong leadership. So how would Ofsted assess a joint family holiday asks Catherine Szabo.

Busman's holiday...

After a hard few weeks at the chalkface, the half-term holiday has arrived. It sounded like a good idea ten months ago. “It’ll be great fun. Games, frivolity, sharing stories of our exploits on the piste!” Three families consisting of three teenagers, three grumpy old men and three teachers crammed into a “spacious, comfortable Alpine retreat”.

The journey begins. Eighteen hours in the car, seven DVDs, 23 turkey sandwiches and mountains of biscuits consumed at regular intervals, only broken up by the rushed toilet stops every five hours.

How would Ofsted rate this journey? Every traveller matters of course. Variety of sandwich? Inadequate. Choice of DVD? Satisfactory as not all travellers could access the material. Number of toilet stops? Inadequate. Journey does not cater for teenage boys who must be treated differently on account of their superior leg length.

And so we arrive. Meal prepared and devoured in seconds. The judgement is ‘good’. All needs catered for and nutrition meets acceptable standards for party to make progress on the slopes.

The alpine retreat is “cosy” and provides a satisfactory level of accommodation. Beds are allocated and toilet facilities examined. The kitchen is well equipped but unable to meet the needs of domestic goddesses in the party. Judgement will be ‘satisfactory’ unless further evidence is found in the next two days.

The rota for domestic chores is drawn up. All parties choose their teams and are invited to select a name that encapsulates their skills and attitudes. They go for the Wide Awake Club (sic), Bread Anyone? (as they never provide it) and Team Whirlwind (fast but messy) and all go on the duty list.

Processes are discussed, performance management targets negotiated and job descriptions ignored. Ready to rumble.

At the first hurdle the Wide Awake Club falls short. No tea in bed, porridge is burnt and cereal choice does not meet the needs of all diners. Inadequate.

The systems are in place but the individual teams have difficulty in interpreting the objectives. Arguments, accusations of some individuals not doing their bit, jobs left unfinished and requests for team transfers are all in evidence on day one.

Who should monitor the effectiveness of the systems and the outcomes?

“Not me,” says Dad 1.

“Not us,” say the teenagers.

“I will if no one else will,” says Mum 2.

Leadership is needed. Step forward the assistant heads – aka Mums 1 and 3.

Next up is Bread Anyone? As the name suggests, large portion of carbohydrate is missing but evidence of no shop for 3km is accepted as a reason for the lack of baguettes. ‘Satisfactory’ but could be good if the party’s needs are met during later observations (meal times).

Bread Anyone? has an emergency meeting. They are given the opportunity to express how they feel.

“I can’t reach the cupboard.”

“But I can.”

“I don’t like cleaning the porridge pan.”

“Don’t worry, I like a challenge.”

Having recognised the skills each of them has and the areas they find difficult and why, they now feel confident about their roles and their ability to deliver a great service. Teamwork. Responsibility. Co-operation. Results. All used as an exemplar of good practice. From ‘satisfactory’ to ‘good’ with capacity to be ‘outstanding’. Bravo Bread Anyone?

And so to the après ski activities. The facilities for this are good with any number of games, puzzles and quizzes available. In fact the chalet would be a little less “cosy” were it not for the plethora of activities on offer.

The party decide that no new technologies will be used (satisfactory). After a debate on the merits of Pictionary, Scrabble and a sports quiz, we agree on Charades. Rules are set and Team Whirlwind get the go-ahead to begin.

In theory this game allows all to be involved, progress to be above expectation and all prior experience to be used to plan the questions which are differentiated. Potential for at least ‘good’.

And then it begins. Dad 1 tries to demonstrate Free Willy. Teenage Boy 1 has great fun with Sex and the City and Brokeback Mountain results in unsavoury allegations from Teenage Boy 2 and Dad 3.

New technologies make an appearance after all and YouTube is all the richer for sharing these dramatic reconstructions.

The holiday ends. Overall judgement? Ofsted: Satisfactory with good features. The real world: Outstanding with no room for improvement.

Friendships? Deeper. Families? Bonded. The Alps? Survived the onslaught. We will revisit in 12 months and hope for much of the same.

• Catherine Szabo is an assistant headteacher in Wiltshire.

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Last Word always welcomes contributions from members. If you’d like to share your humorous observations of school life, email Sara Gadzik at leader@ascl.org.uk ASCL offers a modest honorarium.

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